Growing up I loved to rent and watch movies back when you went to Blockbuster or the town video store to actually rent a movie. I loved “Animal House” but now that I’m older I can see that while it was hilarious, there is also a really disturbing rape situation going on. I also enjoyed “Porky’s” and saw it a lot, but now that I’m an adult I see that there was a lot problematic with that movie too.

But the king of movies I didn’t realize had issues is “Revenge Of The Nerds.” I watched it again recently and couldn’t believe the number of felonies that it showed, most of which were committed by the “good guy” nerds. As an Illinois attorney who has helped thousands of people with Illinois criminal charges, I could make a career off of defending all of these cases.

The most obvious one is when nerd Lewis has sex with Betty by stealing the mask of her boyfriend Jefferson. It doesn’t seem like a big deal to a 13-year-old boy watching it because she ends up liking it and making him her boyfriend. But it’s clearly rape. I can’t imagine that scene getting made in a movie today. That is the worst one, but there are others:

• Booger talks about going to the high school to look for jail bait.
• The Tri Lambdas Film the sorority girls without their consent.
• The Tri Lambdas watch the naked women with Wormser, the child who is in college. That’s sexual exploitation of a minor.
• They then sell pictures of the nude women to others on campus. That could be felony revenge porn under Illinois law.
• The Nerds put liquid heat on the jockstraps of the football players. It’s a funny scene, but also breaking and entering, potentially use of chemical weapons or battery.
• The Nerds do a panty raid on the sorority. There were so many crimes there including sexual battery, theft, and criminal trespass.

Of course, the jocks committed a lot of crimes too. They include:

• Ogre throwing a pledge off a balcony. It could be considered attempted murder.
• The coach and police seem to commit insurance fraud when discussing the fire in their fraternity.
• There are attempts at bestiality.
• The Alpha Betas tar and feather Louis which looks like aggravated battery to me.
• They unleash pigs on the Nerd house which includes many crimes including animal cruelty.

There were random crimes such as:

• The old woman who hits on young Wormser.
• The school having them get drunk while riding tricycles.
• Football coach John Goodman encourages arson and threatens the dean with violence.

Now I’m not a no-fun person and I don’t take offense to this movie or take it seriously. It’s part of being a lawyer that you see things in a different light at times based on what we do every day for work. And holy hell, did I not realize that Revenge Of The Nerds is as much a criminal movie as it is a comedy.